How to tell someone they will not be your Bridesmaid, Groomsman, Maid of Honor or Best Man

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Your wedding day is YOUR wedding day. Be sure to choose the right people to stand up with you on your special day - not just who your Great Aunt Trudy thinks should be there.
Wedding attendant membership is not transactional - just because your cousin Claire had you at her wedding does not mean you have to have her in yours.
Consider having multiple best men, maids of honor, or even matrons of honor.

Be honest but not cruel.
To soothe the burn of rejection, maybe offer them another role in the wedding like usher, poem or verse reader, give a speech, musician, etc.

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<aside> ⚠️ This interaction should be done in person for the best results.

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<Name>, I have been dreading to tell you for fear of hurting your feelings, but I am unable to ask you to be my <Maid of Honor/ Best Man/Bridesmaid / Groomsman>.
I know you will likely be very disappointed and possibly hurt by this and I’m so sorry for that.
You are so important to me. I cherish our <friendship/relationship> deeply, and so please know that this decision is absolutely not a reflection of how I or <Name> feel about you.
<Give your reason>
Because you’re so dear to me, I’m hoping you could be <possible role for them> at the wedding.
This was such a hard decision because you are so important to me but we really wanted an even number of bridesmaids and groomsmen and that meant I had to exclude some people that I really love and care about.