See also
Start Here
- Use this guide to help you respond to someone lying to your face.
- There are lots of reasons why people lie.
- You can respond in a couple of ways:
- No response - just cut off contact with a liar (not always possible)
- Give them the opportunity to self-disclose (see ‣)
- Call them out directly - the talking points below will help you do this
- Some of these talking points were adapted from Dr. Emerson Eggerrichs’ book, “Before You Hit Send”
- Never underestimate the power of a protracted silence. Often people start talking because they can’t stand the pregnant pause.
Talking Points
- I don’t think you are being truthful with me, <name>.
- I’m afraid I don’t believe you.
- It hurts that you can’t trust me with the truth.
- Is this really the story you want to go with?
- Please tell me the truth. You will feel better when you get it all out. I will listen to your whole story without judgement.
- I need you to be courageous no matter the consequences. When fear causes you to withhold truth, I need you to bravely declare, 'I can handle the truth!'
- I need mutual respect here. When you lie to serve yourself, I feel used and useless as a human being. I matter, too, and must live with myself, as well as with you.
- I need your total transparency. When you evade my questions, I'm suspicious. I suspect a coverup when you avoid me, saying, 'I don't know’ or ‘I plead the fifth.’